ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
we should paint friendship bongs
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
