Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
