I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
one might say we're banned from that church
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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