Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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