I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
