so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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