I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
