I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
