OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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