my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
