Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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