sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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