the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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