Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
