I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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