yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
