Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
