He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
