So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
