i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
