So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
