I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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