Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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