Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
