Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
