You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She announced her abortion via fbk
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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