some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
