Is it normal to miss your booty call?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
it's like iHOP with fire
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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