called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
