I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
