Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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