But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Randomize
