She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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