I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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