I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
