You work out of a Hotel?
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Swine flu is the new snow day.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
