i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
