just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
