Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
