why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
