Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
