so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
