Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
