I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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