i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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