why didn't you poke me back
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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