8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
