Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Are my feet made of real feet?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
