I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
