I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I touched a dick in church today
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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