I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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