I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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